Sport is one of those human activities that, like art, is completely and utterly without a purpose. The difference between sport and art, is, that at least art can appeal to the intellect. Sport is about entertainment. Like watching a crucifixion, it brings out the worst in people.
Sport began with the Greeks and Romans. The Olympic games. The Olympic games were all about Greek citizens running round naked sizing each other up. Many Greek citizens disapproved of sports, because going to the arena wasn’t really about fitness, it was about picking boys up.
With the advent of Rome, sporting events really took off. The arena sports were very popular. People really enjoyed going to see gladiators taking chunks out of each other with broad swords, and Christians being mauled by lions.
In modern times, football is an arena sport. It functions as an opportunity for not very bright English males to unify into one gigantic tribal lynch mob, and attack unsuspecting and bewildered foreigners. Lynch mobs, as we all know, are lots of fun.
In fact, team games in general work on the arena principle, but without the need for the participation of the crowd. Team games are entertainment for the one half of the team that is not being goaded and bullied by the other half of the team for being crap.
Solo sports are more fun. When you are winning. Otherwise they make you feel inadequate and rather stupid, because as we all know, it’s not really the taking part that counts at all.
The arena principle is the main reason why sports are so popular at school. Sports are a fantastic way to divide and rule. Sports create social hierarchies, fierce divisions and irrational rivalries amongst a group of young people that would all otherwise have the same interests at heart. The school system uses sports to divide the oppressed. This is very entertaining for the teachers.
Similarly, the London Marathon is summertime urban entertainment that functions to distract Londoners from the depressing fact that the nearest tree is twenty miles outside of Luton. The New York Marathon works on the same principle. Whilst New Yorkers have a park, the Marathon serves to distract them from the fact that they cannot use the park because it is full of dangerous perverts.
There are lots of American sports that have diverse entertainment functions. Basketball, for example, functions to entertain black people by allowing them to kick the skinny white asses of their oppressors. Baseball, on the other hand, functions to maintain the relationship between father and son. It serves to entertain the father on sports day when playing father and son baseball, and embarrasses the son.
American football in schools functions as a dating service. It provides the opportunity for Jocks (not known for their intelligence) to meet Cheerleaders. This allows couples of similar intellect but with absolutely nothing in common to meet and date.
To conclude, the purpose of sport is to entertain by dividing people with a common interest, because watching people fight with each other over completely pointless things is really really funny.
