Letter to no one
—–Original Message—–
To: jordan@jordanisking.com
From: lourette_tourette@bloody-bastards.co.uk
Sent: 17 July 2004 20:12 GMT
Subject: Fanmail is Getting Out of Hand
Dear Jordan,
Last night I was kidnapped by the Mongol Hordes who took me via my window to a rocket ship that travelled to the dark side of the moon. We landed in a barren area in the Sea of Tranquillity, called The Place of Fire, where I met several small grey aliens with large dark eyes.
Whilst the Mongol Hordes chanted in the surrounding craters, the aliens accused me of writing fanmail to the King of Uraguay (God save him), who never replies. I confessed to these heinous crimes, whereupon I was charged with the task of travelling to the four corners of the earth to seek out the Diamonds of Ice, the Mirror of Truth, the Golden Fleece of Sinbad, and the Giant Marshmallow Bunny of Clinton.
I will shortly be heading to the North Pole to collect the Diamonds of Ice. I do not know when I will return from this perilous mission. Probably later this afternoon as I have to check my email for signs of life. But fortunately the Giant Marshmallow Bunny lives somewhere on the North American continent, so I may be able to kill two birds with one stone and return via Greenland.
P.S. An Albanian has asked me to marry him and I intend to renounce my claim to the throne and run away with him upon completion of my mission.
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